Decision Paralysis After Gaslighting
After prolonged gaslighting, emotional invalidation, or manipulation, many survivors struggle with something that seems simple on the surface: making decisions.
They may freeze over small choices like what to eat, what to wear, or how to spend their weekend.
Bigger decisions — like leaving a relationship, changing jobs, or setting boundaries — can feel impossible.
They might think:
- “What if I’m wrong?”
- “What if I mess everything up?”
- “I can’t trust my judgment.”
This experience is known as decision paralysis, and it’s a common aftermath of psychological abuse.
Understanding why it happens can help release shame and support healing.
How Gaslighting Undermines Decision-Making
Gaslighting repeatedly tells someone their perceptions are wrong.
Over time, this erodes confidence in one’s own judgment.
If you were constantly told:
- “You’re mistaken.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “You don’t remember things correctly.”
Your brain learns to doubt itself.
Instead of trusting instincts, you look to others for guidance.
Eventually, making choices feels risky.
Self-doubt replaces confidence.
Understanding the difference between gaslighting and how it becomes internalized through self-gaslighting helps explain this process.
The Role of Self-Gaslighting in Paralysis
Self-gaslighting continues the pattern internally.
Before making a decision, you may think:
- “I’m probably overthinking.”
- “I don’t know what’s best.”
- “I should ask someone else.”
Instead of trusting your feelings or preferences, you dismiss them.
This leads to endless second-guessing.
Self-gaslighting teaches people to doubt their reality and instincts over time.
How Survival Mode Affects Clarity
When the nervous system is stuck in survival mode, the brain prioritizes safety over thoughtful decision-making.
In this state:
- Everything feels urgent
- Mistakes feel dangerous
- Uncertainty feels overwhelming
This makes choosing anything stressful.
Living in survival mode keeps the nervous system in constant alert.
Why Fear of Being Wrong Is So Strong
Many survivors learned that being “wrong” led to:
- Criticism
- Arguments
- Emotional withdrawal
- Blame
Mistakes may have been punished harshly.
So the brain associates wrong decisions with danger.
This creates intense anxiety around choices.
Fear, obligation, and guilt often reinforce this pressure to choose perfectly.
The Link Between Decision Paralysis and Self-Blame
If you were conditioned to blame yourself for conflict or problems, the pressure to make “perfect” decisions becomes intense.
You may think:
“If I choose wrong, it’s my fault.”
This fear reinforces paralysis.
This pattern is part of the self-blame cycle that keeps survivors turning responsibility inward.
Common Signs of Decision Paralysis
You may notice:
- Overthinking every option
- Seeking reassurance constantly
- Avoiding decisions
- Letting others choose for you
- Feeling anxious about outcomes
- Regretting choices immediately
These are trauma responses — not personal weaknesses.
How to Gently Rebuild Decision Confidence
Healing involves teaching your nervous system that making choices is safe.
Some helpful steps include:
Start With Low-Stakes Decisions
Practice choosing small things without overthinking.
Limit Overanalysis
Give yourself a short timeframe to decide.
Trust Preferences
What you like is valid.
Notice Patterns of Self-Doubt
Recognize when self-gaslighting is happening.
Celebrate Small Wins
Each choice builds confidence.
This process is part of rebuilding self-trust after abuse.
Why Clarity Comes Gradually
Many survivors expect clarity to return all at once.
In reality, it usually comes in stages.
At first, you may still doubt yourself.
Over time, decisions feel easier.
This is normal.
Healing is progressive.
The Power of Hearing Others’ Experiences
Many survivors feel relief when they hear others describe struggling with the same paralysis.
Knowing it’s a trauma response — not laziness or indecisiveness — can be incredibly validating.
Survivor stories and trauma-informed conversations — like those shared on Narcissist Apocalypse — often help people regain confidence and clarity.
The Bottom Line
Decision paralysis after gaslighting is incredibly common.
It doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
It means your self-trust was undermined over time.
Self-gaslighting, survival mode, fear, and self-blame all contribute to the struggle.
With compassion, small steps, and awareness, decision-making becomes easier again.
Clarity returns.
And as it does, confidence grows.
Host
Hi, I'm Brandon Chadwick!
In 2019, I began interviewing survivors of narcissistic and domestic abuse on my podcast, Narcissist Apocalypse. In that time, I've published over 120 survivor stories, interviewed countless experts in the field, from therapists, to lawyers, to domestic violence advocates and agencies.
My philosophy for the podcast was to be different, and to me, that meant to be real, not clinical. My goal was to help survivors tell/validate their own stories, but to also validate and teach other survivors through those stories. And a crazy thing happened, it worked.
Narcissist Apocalypse has grown beyond my wildest dreams. It now reaches upwards of 10,000 listeners an episode and it keeps growing every day. If you read the reviews on Apple Podcasts, you can see just how much of an impact the show has made in the lives of our community members. Yes, we are now a community.
Narcissist Apocalypse has evolved into something bigger. We've taken the philosophy of the podcast and have extended it to power our support groups. Narcissist Apocalypse isn't just me anymore. We are now a community. And that community is here to support you at every step of your healing process and beyond.
Being part of your lives and watching people grow in our support groups has been quite an honor. So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening. And a big thank you for helping everyone feel less alone. Welcome to our community.
With Much Love,
Brandon Chadwick
